Monday 20 March 2017

Stonk If You're Corny: Remembering Comic Relief Comic

If you told a typical pop culture nerd that a comic was once released that was written by Neil Gaiman (American Gods, The Sandman, Coraline) Grant Morrison (The Invisibles, 2000AD, Lots of DC Comics) and Richard Curtis (Blackadder, The Vicar of Dibley, Four Weddings And A Funeral) with contributions from DC Thomson, Shaky Kane, Garth Ennis, the Viz Comics team, Mark Millar, Jamie Hewlett, Lenny Henry, Hunt Emerson, Simon Bisley, Alan Martin, Dave Gibbons and many more, they'd probably say "Oh yes Comic Relief Comic, 1991, very limited run, printed by Fleetway". Stupid over-knowledgable pop culture nerds.

They would be right though. "Comic Relief Comic" was a full colour coming together of all the great comics talent in the UK, much like the TV show (which was about to launch its third telethon on March 15th 1991)  would bring together the top comedy folk at the time.

 

Much like the programme, its funny with a serious message. But first, the beautiful cover...


Phwoar, eh? And I dont just mean sexy Len! All your comics favourites from kiddies characters up to more adult adventures - Dredd! Dennis! Dare! Donatello! Dark Knight! Dan! erm...Dr Bruce Banner! - all under one roof. And for the very reasonable price of £1.50. As mentioned briefly in my Richard Curtis piece, I was so excited to get my hands on this (equaled only by the Round The Bend TV Special but that's a story for another day) and I proudly have my extremely well-read copy upstairs (with my age and name on so no bugger nicked it at school.) although I hadn't thought about it much until the wonderful comics blog Two Headed Thingies run by my good friend Ryan posted the entire thing from start to finish, reminding me just what an exciting, funny and slightly naughty experience it was.

So, if its so good, why has it never been reprinted with all that talent involved? Well, the boring answer is DC Comics being pricks over copyright which is a huge shame as there's so much going on in these pages that deserves to be seen. So, with the opening proviso that if you read this you'll contribute to Comic Relief in lieu of being able to buy the comic sadly, here's some of my favourite highlights from 1991's "Comic Relief Comic"...

1. Its opened by a mildly tamed Roger Mellie (even though the word "bollocks" appears several places elsewhere in the otherwise child-aimed publication) who was then probably the most famous character from the just past its ridiculous 1 million plus circulation era Viz. Mellie would appear in a segment on the TV Comic Relief that year voiced by Harry Enfield (a later animated adaptation being handled much more impressively by Peter Cook.) No comment on that third panel. Ahem.


Ahem, moving on from that last line, here's a slightly more sweary Roger presenting the suitably filthy "Mellie At Midnight" which if memory serves ran at about 1am because everything was over-running so much. Its missing a joke they did at the start where, as memory serves, it seemed like it was just a still drawing, panicking the hosts before Roger complained the feed wasnt working...



2. This entire page. Edd the Duck! The USS Enterprise! Vyvyan! Hitchock! A sausage! And oh those slanted BBCs! And in case you're confused why Roger is covered in pie, one was slammed in his face by Lenny on the previous page before he could say the word "piss". This is a children's comic after all! 


3. A page of Lenny testing the boundaries of being in a comic book leading to this ever so wonderfully meta bit of business between him and his original co-hosts Griff Rhys-Jones and Jonathan Ross


4. The next page is devoted to a pre-show visit to the people responsible for the gunk tank - an essential part of early Comic Relief programmes. Check out that "none more 1991" list of 'celebrity packages'...


5. ...along with the equally time-stamped Canned Carrott, a pre-respect revival Bob Monkhouse photo and the body of Twin Peaks' tragic central murder victim Laura Palmer. Also: BBC tea gags. Always a winner!


6. Also stuck firmly in its own era is this bizarre array of classic 'Madchester' phrases, although I'm not sure if "E" stuck past the radar through luck, guile or sheer ignorance in the pre-Leah Betts era. I'm fairly sure I didn't understand it as a 10 year old anyway (or "DRAW!" for that matter.) We all said "BEZ!" though. Deffo. 


7. So, you pop culture nerd types! What do Judge Dredd, Griff Rhys Jones, Captain Britain, Desperate Dan and Jonathan Ross have in common? Well... 


8. Lenny and Jonathan have the same argument which had happened in many a playground around the time following the BBC's decision to switch the word "Ninja" to "Teenage Mutant HERO Turtles". Obviously, it had such an effect as we all grew up to be murderous assassins. BUT HEROICALLY. 


Excellently the panel beneath was titled "Teenage Mutant SOMETHING Turtles" as a compromise. 

9. One of the strangest bits of an incredibly bonkers comic already was a forced double act between Ben Elton and Dawn French who get a bit too near to the Dangerous Matter Transmutor. No, REALLY.


10. Elton and French then become superhuman based on fairly flimsy character traits. I can't tell if its playful or a savage attack - particularly on Elton's brand of obvious domestic observations. Being as its from Tank Girl creators Alan Martin and Jamie Hewlett, probably a bit of both...


11. The world is in chaos due to the rampaging duo, the world calls for action, which comes from Lenny as Theophilous P Wildebeeste's hitherto unseen alter ego Love Man who is such a thrusting rush (kids comic...) he doesn't have time to stop and have a bit away with The Queen (then only a MILF-tastic 65) and...erm...Princess Diana. Ah well, its what she would've wanted. *sniff* 


12. Next up is a visit to space with Dan Dare unsuccessfully trying to get the Mekon and several ever familiar monsters to buy a red nose. Luckily help is at hand...


13. Who were you expecting? Batman? With the series off-air for just over a year by this point, Who fans weren't to know the true wait they were about to be in for. Incidentally, the panel after this has McCoy's Doctor answering "no - its a WHO-tenanny". Frobisher to sue. And sick.


14. A bizarre cameo from The Rovers Return - the entire building itself (supposedly there to 'man' the phones) - which judging by this panel is staffed by Larry David, Sharon Stone and Paul Shane's character from You Rang M'Lord. Also: "BET"?!?  


15. Also on the phones are this array of people including an appearance by Harry Enfield's reasonably new character Mr-You-Don't-Wanna-Do-It-Like-That. As for the following frame, I'm not entirely sure who it was aimed at, or for that matter whether Warren Beatty was still the go-to name for 'prominent lady shagger' reference easy laffs for 1991. But hey, they didn't call him 'Penis Tracy' for nothin' you know!!!11 


16. The Dandy and Beano "All Stars" next (although only Desperate Dan appears from the former) with a few celebrity cameos from Esther Rantzen and this more Colin Farrell-esque Noel Tidybeard (yes I'm overlooking the needless apostrophe there) getting their cars washed. So, people who whinge that the comics never used to be obsessed with celebrities in the past can shut their face. Especially Noel


17. This entire Viz spread which felt awfully naughty and exciting to have in my possession as a kid, knowing all about the million selling adult comic by that point.  Click here to see it bigger.



18. Two pages (drawn by the wonderful Hunt Emerson) are devoted to the appearance of various comedy characters from TV and film, starting with The Young Ones (the first series of Bottom still over six months away...) Note the plank Viv is picking up in the second frame, you'll never guess what he does with it next. Oh um yeah, he does hit Rick with it actually. Well guessed. 


19. The only real concession to then-new comedy came with this tiny but wonderful Vic Reeves and The Man With The Stick cameo. Vic and Bob would make their first appearance on that year's telethon largely dying on their arse in front of an audience who didn't seem to have a clue who they were. 


And here is that first appearance by the recalcitrant duo...


20. Although not covered here, there are two running storylines throughout the comic - one involves a modern day descendant of Blackadder being taught the true meaning of charity by a disabled girl, which is as miserable as it is unfunny. The second finds Griff Rhys-Jones being kidnapped and replaced by "house-heads" who will take over the world if one single person fails to donate to Comic Relief. And that one remaining person? Blackadder of course. Naturally he ends up obliging and so the real Griff gets to escape only to be asked...


21. Plot all wrapped up, Ross gets bored and after referencing his alright but short-lived teatime series "Tonight With Jonathan Ross" pushes the red button leading to this wonderful but terrifying Shaky Kane (coloured but possibly not drawn - anyone know for definite?) tableau. It scared the crap out of me as a kid and still unnerves me a bit now if I'm honest. 


22.  All hell having broke loose in BBC TV Centre (remember that, kids?), two as yet unsuspecting chaps (looking rather like WC Fields and Buster Keaton) enjoy a quick drink in front of a pinboard featuring Judge Anderson, Alias The Jester, Inspector Gadget and what looks to be Danger Mouse's ears. Slightly random until you realize this entire page is the work of the terrific Arthur Ranson who drew all of those characters at one time or another in 2000AD and Look-In respectively and thus quite a nice little self-tribute. 


23. And finally, these credits. Just look at all those names. Beautiful.

So that was the edited highlights of Comic Relief Comic, a wonderful item sadly lost to time and legal copyright bollocks. Even if you're not watching this year's programme on Friday, do give generously as it helps not just people but charities all over the world do brilliant things in the face of ever-depressing government cutbacks. More Comic Relief stuff later in the week but its time for bed. Good stonk...

 

To see what you can do for Comic Relief click the following address:
https://www.rednoseday.com/

And as a special bonus, the two fabulous original songs made for Comic Relief's 1991 programming. See how many puppets of yesteryear you remember here...



Forever missed. No Kylie, no Jason, no toothpaste round the basin.... 

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